Have You Forgotten

Last night I woke up at 5:30am with Red House Painters' Have You Forgotten playing in my head. How fortunate was I to have my laptop away at an arm's distance. I had fallen asleep to Great Lake Swimmers' Ongiara album on repeat earlier and it was still playing. I never used to need music to fall asleep. Lately I find myself lying down with thoughts tumbling inside my brain. It's hard to relax when the worries in life seem endless.

Every time I decide to cut someone out of my life, I spend a lot of time thinking about them as much as I can. Somehow I believe that if I do it all now, I won't have to do it later on. And hopefully these memories will disintegrate and turn into nothing. Then the person will be completely gone and I can't be hurt again.

I decided to try reading Everything is Illuminated again. The first two times were difficult. There were too many characters to remember and it was hard to picture three different timelines in my head. But I'm doing much better now. I'm taking my time understanding. It's ironic for me to pick it up at this time because that book is all about memories. It makes me sad. It makes me angry. I laugh a lot and mentally mark down my favorite lines. Then I get sad again when I think of the grandfather. It reminds me of my own grandfather and how he was the first person I knew who died. I think so much about death, which is funny because I don't really think anything about it, therefore I think about a whole lot of nothing.

I need to climb myself out of the hole I'm digging.

Holland, 1945

Omg. As much as I like going to work, all I want to do today is stay home and jump on my bed while listening to Neutral Milk Hotel.

Aeroplane Over the Sea, 1998

Diary of a Madman

We rushed to Rush. It was phenomenal.

Geoffrey Rush

Not so Fresh Start

All of January has been shitting on me. Went to bed at 7am last night, slept 3 hours. Ran around the entire day, ate breakfast/lunch/dinner at 6pm. Breaded tilapia with vegetables, black beans over rice, and a cafe latte. Missing a great party right now as I am physically and mentally incapable to do anything besides lying in bed and listening to Serafina Steer.

BAM

Past Wednesday's date with Marilla.

Alamo Drafthouse

IS COMING TO NY & LA IN 2011/2012!

Most Listened of 2010

1. Serafina Steer- Night Before Mutiny
2. Tennis- South Carolina
3. Arcade Fire- Sprawl II (Mountains Beyond Mountains)
4. Tallest Man on Earth- The Wheel
5. Joanna Newsom- Good Intentions Paving Company
6. Best Coast- When I'm With You
7. Horse Feathers- Thistled Spring
8. Seabear- Lion Faced Boy
9. AA Bondy- Of the Sea
10. Strand of Oaks- End in Flames
11. Fredrik- Black Fur
12. Hurray for Riff Raff- Junebug Waltz
13. Alela Diane ft. Alina Hardin- Rake
14. She & Him- Thieves
15. Miike Snow- Animal

(Here are songs from my 2009 and 2008 list if interested)

Thanksgiving

Being a nomad for the past couple of months has been quite a bohemian adventure although the feeling of settlement is longed for (I'm far from that). I had drinks with a dear friend a few weeks ago and we talked about the joys of being young. At this point of my life, all I have to worry about for now is myself, my bank account and my continual thirst for life. It may sound irresponsible (or even selfish) but I have been taking careful discipline. My ultimate goals and dreams never leave me. I believe that taking things one step at a time with positive energy and a strong mindset will lead to extraordinary places, as many have done so in the past.

I've learned that complete knowledge is a vanishing point. Searching for the meaning of life and happiness is a lifestyle we are destined to walk upon. And in this search, I have met many artists who are walking along a similar path. Although it's an internal struggle for all of us, it's great to have friends who understand and support you.

One of the most pivotal changes in my life was when we were encouraged to call our college professors by their first names. I didn't think much of it then but it subconsciously affected my maturity. A painting teacher had once said that we are all colleagues. There is no hierarchy. The purpose of school is to dedicate ourselves in finding our inner artistry. He, himself, is only a mentor who's to guide us but we have the option to follow. As human beings on earth, we are here to educate one another without the silliness of age, rank or class division.

I am eternally grateful for those who are walking alongside me in this journey. There are a selective few who have taught me a lot in the art of life thus far and it motivates me everyday. I cherish each and every friend I have whether we still keep in touch or not. Art is "one of man's highest aspirations" (Irving Stone, The Agony and the Ecstasy) and I'm glad I'm not the only one who agrees.

Men in Tights

Cure for a bad day: a dose of Mel Brooks.

Waking Up is Hard To Do

I couldn't help posting this. Neil Sedaka recently wrote a children's book and I'm definitely going to get it! Why? Because Neil's music always brings the sun back on a rainy day. His genuine humility, brilliance, and love for life reminds me that there are truly amazing people out there, even if you think you're stuck in a mud of people you dislike. I hope to always remain warm and cheerful as Neil.

Not to mention, his sense of humor is great.